I’ve always been sensitive. Ever since I was little small things would upset me. But growing up I was shamed for being sensitive. In Primary school, while caving on a camp I fell and get upset. Afterwards, my teacher said I cried too much and shouldn’t cry in front of my parents. I was shocked. I’m still shocked. At only 8 years old and already being taught that crying wasn’t okay.
From a young age, I was taught it wasn’t good to be sensitive and cry about things. Which isn’t true. Shamed by my high school peers for getting upset over being criticised or told off in class or even if someone made fun of me. I was told I shouldn’t cry or I should get over it and they didn’t mean it or can’t I take a joke.
Something that I’ve been learning in therapy that I need to have a tough skin but a tender heart. To be strong enough to not get upset about the little things but still kind enough to be able to hold compassion for others and myself when needed to. I have to admit, I’m still working on that and it’s a hard thing to do. Completely changing your mindset and how your brain automatically reacts to certain situations, it’s not an easy task. But it is important for me to learn as I get older so I can deal with the natural ups and downs of life instead of getting caught on a little thing someone said to me in passing. Or a joke that didn’t land well. Or being told no when all I wanted to hear was yes.
So yes I cry when someone confronts me. Or when someone asks me If I’m okay. Or if I get mad. Even if I see something sad in a movie or on tv. But it’s okay I’m learning to love that I’m a sensitive being. I am more compassionate and understanding of other people and stronger for others when they’re upset.
Sometimes it’s hard though, I have to be honest. It’s much easier to not control my automatic response to highly emotional situations. But with time and practice it’s not as hard anymore. I’m finding compassion for myself and my sensitive side. Even when it’s hard to find sympathy for that part of me it’s still me.
So it can be hard. But it can also be beautiful.
Learn to love the beauty in being a sensitive person.
Yours always,
The lovely being x
